""Gratitude", is the word that resonates with me the most. I'm not saying this because it's what's expected of me, or because that's what I think you want to hear. I'm saying it because, honestly, that's what I have felt more than any other emotion in the last two months.
There's SO much to be grateful for. For instance, my mom's healing, and that my doctor recommended I get a mammogram because of what was going on with my mom, and more importantly, the fact that I LISTENED. That this was discovered so early and that really, out of the worst case scenario, it seems to be the best case scenario. Grateful that I've been able to maintain a sense of humor and a lust for life. Grateful for all those senseless comedies that I love so much. So very grateful for the team of doctors I have on my side (holistic and allopathic).
But more important than anything, I'm grateful for all of YOU. Every single time any of you have sent me a text, email, phone call, or come to a doctor's appointment with me, it's given me strength, courage and faith. At first, I was uncomfortable and overwhelmed with all the attention. I couldn't believe the amount of love that I was surrounded by. But slowly, I've learned to accept the love gracefully and graciously. I've stockpiled all of the love in my heart, and I pull from it whenever I start to waiver.
I also want to give a special shout-out to Sirena, Jay, Blair and Marcus, who have been in touch with me every single day, holding my hand through this entire process, and who came up with the idea of the blog (and fundraiser). Naturally at first, the idea made me uneasy. But as they pointed out, people would have to know eventually and this was a great way to keep everyone in the loop without feeling bad if I couldn't respond right away.
And the fundraiser... well, that REALLY made me feel uncomfortable. It's strange to be center of attention and have my friends donate money to me, but again, it was pointed out to me that the last thing I need to do is stress out about money right now, and that is absolutely right. So, I've stepped aside and let my team work their magic. I've asked not to know whose contributed to the fundraiser for now, because the few times I've found out, I cried. It really is overwhelming to know so many people love me so much. Blair has been kind enough to send "thank you" notes on my behalf, assuring me that you all know how grateful I am. I want you all to know how much you have helped me. There has hardly been a moment that I've allowed myself to stress about finances because of all of your generosity.
I know that most of you are relieved that I've decided to have surgery. I appreciate your support in the choices that I've made, even if you would have wanted me to make different ones. I also want you to know that I don't regret in the least having made those choices, because now that I've had the surgery, I will never wonder if there could have been a better choice. I know I've made the right one. And as I continue along this path, I will remain open to what treatment choices my allopathic doctors recommend, but I will always use holistic practices to keep me at my healthiest, and in fact, I will be attending the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego for one week starting this Sunday.
At the risk of sounding completely cliche and corny, I'm learning to love myself better and to put myself first (at least for now) . It's always been so much easier for me (as I'm sure most of you), to give than to receive. I'm learning to use this experience as an opportunity to learn things about myself and hopefully evolve into a better me.
A very wise, handsome guy said to me recently that from catharsis comes great beauty-- or something like that, but more profound and articulate. I've paid attention though, and so far, he seems to be right.
I love you all from the immensely, with deep gratitude."
beautifully and gracefully expressed, ana
ReplyDeleteyou ARE so loved!!!!!