Hello loves! Some of you have been reaching out to find out what the haps are, so here's an update. I've decided to write this one myself.
Surgery: check. Radiation: check. PET scan and blood work: check. Everything came up free and clear! No sign of abnormalities with the scan, blood work all within normal range! So, what am I doing now? Is it all over, just like that? Well, it's not quite that black and white...
I have gone as far as I'm going to go with allopathic medicine. I feel very confident with this decision, especially considering my last tests. I had some really great doctors. They know a whole lot about what they've been taught, and their hearts are truly in the right place. I know they want the best for me and all of their other patients, and I'm grateful to them. But my belief is, and has always been, that there is more than one way to approach any illness, and they only know one approach--or three: cut, burn, kill-- and unfortunately, more often than not, this leads to many other problems, including recurrences. It's logical. You kill someone's immune system, their natural God-given ability to deal with toxins, and there are bound to be problems. Please trust that I've deliberated over and researched my decisions ad nauseam. So, I have politely asked all of my (allopathic) doctors to back off.
I am in a new chapter of this story, and of my life. My focus now is detox, strengthen and heal. Except for the residual pain and discomfort I'm feeling from radiation, I feel physically great. My energy level is a little lower than I would like, and that too is a side-effect from radiation. I don't have to tell you all that I've worked through some really heavy emotions, including fear, which have at times been paralyzing. I've been so incredibly lucky to have had all of your support, I mean, REALLY. You've lent me your ears and shoulders--Jay's shoulder must still be wet-- and have introduced me to some amazing ways to work through such heavy, psychological issues in a very short period of time. As you all know, stress is our worst enemy, so of course, I'm doing my best to manage mine with the help of exercise, yoga, meditation, good food, rest and laughter.
I have the good fortune of working with an amazing acupuncturist who happens to specialize in oncology. He's got me brewing up some concoctions, currently for detox, that even my evolved palate for herbs cringes at. But he seems to be really happy with the way my tongue is looking, so, yay! In all seriousness, his philosophy on cancer really resonates with me. He says that more doctors will start to look at cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes. Once the acute phase has been taken care of, it's a matter of managing it, i.e. keeping your system strong so it can take care of what it needs to. Bruce Lipton, cell biologist and author of "Biology of Belief" -- a book I recommend for all of you-- states it well: " When you provide a healthy environment for your cells, they thrive. When the environment is less than optimal, they falter. When the environment is adjusted, the 'sick' cells revitalize." That's really it in a nutshell.
I am, of course, still seeing Dr. Tony, who continues to help me work through layers of physiological as well as emotional "stuff" on a molecular and subconscious level. Really, it's too hard to explain, but it works and that's all that really matters to me. He will also send me to a lab every once in awhile for blood work, so for all of you who are worried, don't be! I will continue to monitor my progress :)
A few of you have mentioned in the last few months that you fear I'm pulling a "Steve Jobs". I'm not sure exactly what Steve Jobs' journey was like, but please keep in mind that no two people or two cancers are alike. First, he was dealing with pancreatic cancer, which is much more tricky. And there are SO many other details in between, which I honestly don't know about, but I think he lived 5 years longer than doctors predicted (which is a whole other discussion--doctor's giving people death sentences-- that I won't get into). So, if you have worries or fears, I politely ask that you keep them to yourself, and not project them onto me. It's really important for me to have your continued love and support, and know that I am well.
As I've told some of you, the last few months have been an intense fucking journey, (I think I earned the permission to curse here). But somehow, as insane as it feels to say, I really don't think I'd trade it in. I've always believed the old cliche that everything happens for a reason. I think that if we take a close look at whatever happens to be going on in our lives, we'll find that, indeed, there is a reason for it. Beyond that, there is most likely a lesson (or in my case, many lessons) to be learned. I am in a better place today than I was 7 months ago. I know and understand myself in a way that I cherish. I'm able to take things less seriously and enjoy the moments of life, like this one, for example, more deeply and more often. The fact that I am breathing oxygen, that I'm still around, that I get to share with you, my most incredible friends, my journey, while the sun shines high, the weather is exactly how I love (hot), the birds sing, and I am HEALTHY, is truly magnificent.
In conclusion, I will not be dying anytime soon, and most certainly, I will not be dying from cancer. I know too much to let that happen. All of your love and support has been the foundation for my strength. As you know, my parents don't know about any of this, and I plan to keep it that way. You all have acted as my family. You all have been my entire support system, and I feel like the luckiest gal alive, having all of you in my life.
I'll end with a quote from the Dalai Lama: There is a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.
Love you all with all of my heart.
