Friday, January 13, 2012

Cleansing your chatty parasites and other updates

[Editor's Note: Ana's cancer has its mouth full of high-grade natural medicine at the moment, so a contributor has been given the OK to give an update on its lovely host]

No one ever said kicking cancer's ass would ever be a bag of rose petals. First you have to go through the hell of getting things probed, scraped, poked, squashed and drawn. Then you have to deal with the fear. Finally, you have to find out that there are parasites inside your body who wanted to reach out. Which makes it all the more amazing that our girl is walking strong, grateful and emboldened by the outpouring of support (moral and financial) that has enabled her to focus on healing — and given her the strength to talk back to those pesky parasites that one of her health practitioners heard. No, not found through some blood work or anything, heard. While I'm not privy to what the conversation was, I think it had something to do with evicting David Spade from her liver — even parasites have standards, after all.

Right now, Ana is in a naturopath's office in Monrovia, getting her third High C IV (I think it's fruit punch, but it might be kale). The first was a bad experience — it burned and her veins suck — but the last one went much easier. Soon, she'll probably be hitting up people on the Venice bike path for organic citric acid bags, but until then, she's well on her way to fine-tuning her body and telling that cancer to say hello to her little friend.

She's also been on an intensive cleanse, which when she told a couple of people what that entailed disabused us of our original notion that cancer is glamorous (it was named Time's Disease of the Year every year since Ebola stole the crown that one year in the 1990's). I mean she can't even have a glass of wine. I mean detoxifying might be important and all,! Soon enough, though, by this time next week, she will be off the cleanse and able to sip a single Pinot Noir every other day or so.

So a new step in the natural regiment will also be taken this week: She will start "ukrain" treatment. According to the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer site (the western treatment cancer establishment) ukrain is:

"A semi-synthetic proprietary product containing alkaloids and Thio-TEPA. Patients use it to treat cancer, HIV/AIDS, and hepatitis C. Ukrain™ is promoted as a selective cytotoxic agent against cancer cells. Ukrain demonstrated antitumor effects in vitro and in animal studies (9) (10) (11). A systematic review of clinical trials suggests that Ukrain may have potential as an anticancer drug but well designed studies are needed (7)."

And it's expensive as hell. Cough. Ahem...[jerks head toward the side of the site with the link]

You should also know that upcoming Ana events include a New York City pot luck fundraiser and a second MRI, for which we are hoping that we can see some positive gains in shrinking that 8 mm tumor. Updates for each will be given as soon as possible.

Until then, we know Ana is benefiting greatly from thinking healthy, being healthy and all of your love and support. We've raised more than $1200 to date and that's helped her so much. More than that, she really feels stronger because of the spirit and help you've all shown in this trying time. It's instrumental in beating this. Please keep giving her love. 

PS: I'm told her parasites say hi.


  1. I love these updates! Thank you so much for keeping us posted in this wonderfully funny way. Ana I am so very sorry about another MRI. Probably my most unfavorite part of the process. Can they try thermography? I'm sure they can't for reasons I don't know. Just throwing it out there.
    Ana keep up the good work. Sending you light, love and "soul train".
    Love you,

  2. I think it's more like Andy Dick invading her liver...I heard he got evicted from his storage shed on his ex baby mama backyard and needed somewhere even more cozy to shack up. xoxox I love this blog. More!